Life is Such a Struggle
by Blood Ice Dragon Slayer
Summary: L has dealt with a lot of crap in his past, including hid abusive ex-boyfriend who has messed up everything for him. When another man comes along who genuinely cares for L, he starts to see the good in life again and puts down his blade. Rated M for: Rape scenes, violence, swearing, sex and suicide/self-harm. Possible triggers. Shounen Ai. I do not own Death Note.


**Chapter 1 **of **Life is Such a Struggle**

_The sun rays fell down upon us, shining over my lover__'s perfect form. He laid asleep underneath the heavy covers, snoring quietly. _

_I smiled to myself, snuggling closer to the love of my life. I moved the large covers down to expose the tops halves of both of us. He worse a loose red t-shirt and normal-colored jeans._

_I, on the other hand, worse a grey-colored V-Neck shirt with dark skinny jeans. I guess we hadn't bothered to change last night._

_The chained necklace he gave me jingled when I moved and he shifted. Squeezing his eyes shut he let out an annoying groan at the death that seeped through the windows._

_Opening one eye, I sawing me glancing down at him. "Good morning, beautiful~" He purred, leaning up on his elbows to place him warm soft lips upon mine._

"_Mmm, Hello, my love~ Did you sleep well?" I asked once he pulled away. He moved up and rested his head against my shoulder. _

_I wrapped my arm around his shoulders, "I slept okay, did you sleep at all?"_

_Thinking about the night, I do remember falling asleep at one point, but I don't ever remember waking up. "I think so?"_

"_Good~" His purring voice made my blood shiver. I smiled down at him, taking him hand and pulling him off the bed. I held tightly and pulled him towards the shower._

_Stripping off his clothes, I bit my lip, giving him a teasing look before slowly lifting off my shirt. Since we got together, I changed so much. I stopped hiding away my emotions, for one. He also helped me get out of my depression, and find some new clothes. _

_I tossed the gray V-neck shirt to the ground and shimmied off my dark jeans. Swinging my hips, I strutted into the the tiled and glass shower. I could hear the moaning from my boyfriend behind me._

_I looked over my shoulder, the steaming water pouring down, "See something you like?"_

_His eyes shone with something I had never seen before and suddenly he was right behind me, grinding his half-hard cock against my ass. "Mmm~" I moaned at him, slightly arching my back to give him a better angle._

"_Do you want this?" I ground harder, making my own cock begin to harden. _

"_Yes!" I basically screamed at him, I thrust by ass against his cock, hoping that it would just slide in. But instead, he grabbed my hips and lined up his cock, using no such lube to push himself inside._

_I screamed, and this time not in pleasure. I could feel ever pulse of his cock as blood rushed over it. I lost any interest in sex and tried to pull away._

"_No. You're mine." He growled, red was clear in his eyes. His was was large and terrifying. I shuddered at the thought of what he was doing. What he was doing to me, the person that he pledged his love to. _

"_A-Ah! S-Stop...!" I felt tears rushing down my cheeks. My eyes grew wide as I felt him begin to pull out. _

_Smiling, I turned around, hoping to see his face of regret. To see him apologize and then have us go back to the cute, innocent couple before._

_However. When I turned around, I saw him looking down, looking at the blood smeared across my bruised ass. He laughed as he thrust deep into me with out any hesitation. I felt more ripping and tears._

"_How could anyone fall in love with someone like you?" He muttered._

_I closed my eyes, trying to block out his words. I covered my ears and tried to ignoring that fact that I was getting raped. _

"_No..." I whispered, "Sh-Shut up..." I cracked my eyes towards the ground. The water was stained red. The tile that lined the bottom was turning blood red._

"_How could anyone love someone who was so broken? Someone covered in so many scars?" _

"_Shut up!" I yelled, my voice craking badly._

_He pulled out, letting go and I instantly fell to the floor, crying and curling into a small ball. _

"_The only thing you were good for, was a damn good fuck."_

_He walked out of the room, leaving the blood stains over his body. The front door shut and after confirming that he had left, I sobbed loudly. We had been together for so long, only to be thrown away because I messed up on my past..._

I burst out of slumber, screaming at the darkness of my room, "NO!" Tears were rushing down my face, and the cuts along my wrists from the night before had re-opened. I threw my head back, shaking violently at the memory.

After all, I was only 15 when he... raped me... Now, looking back on the past, I don't know why I had ran away sooner.

I'm 18, starting this upcoming Halloween. I won't have anyone to celebrate it with, however. My parents died when I was young and I was transferred from house to house until I met 'the love of my life'. Pft, yeah, my ass.

I left home to live with him. He technically legally adopted me, removing me from my foster home. After I turned 16, I finally fled, reaching the age to take care of myself. I took up a job in a large city as a detective trainee and got a small loft apartment. I had almost nothing in there, but it was better than living with _him_ or on the streets.

I sat up and looked at the time, it was nearly 2 am. The normal time I wake up at. I got up and went to the bathroom, taking out the knife I kept in the small cupboard above the sink. I sharpened it a little and washed off the bits of metal, holding it against my already bleeding skin.

I shut my eyes and pulled away hard, creating another deep, potentially life-threatening, cut. I continued at this for nearly 20 minutes, hoping that today would finally be the day where I passed out and died.

But I couldn't die just yet. So I grabbed the gauze that sat next to the knife and held it away the tears and pushed harder. It stung worse than anything I had felt before, but not like... what he did.

Tears came harder and I entered into a PTSD attack. I dropped the gauze and knife on the floor and sprinted out of my loft. I made sure to grab my black leather coat of the way.

After all, I'm almost an adult, I have a job to attend to much later in the day.

**(to be continued)**


End file.
